Everybody has always called me a hopeless romantic. My question is though, is it really hopeless to feel that love should be a two way street? If it is hopeless, then I am definitely doomed.
I have been evaluating (more like analyzing) my recent break up. I really loved the guy. I really could have been happy with him my entire life and onto forever. I adored every little thing about him, even the silly things. (like every time I put my hand on his forearm, he would flex, I thought it was the most adorable thing) So why didn’t we work out? Why aren’t we just working through whatever dilemma we had instead of letting it destroy us and make us believe that we could find someone better. Because that’s what a break up is, isn’t it? Knowing that there is someone more suitable for you out there. If you didn’t believe there was someone better for you why wouldn’t you keep fighting for the one you’re with?
Now, I’m not saying that there isn’t someone out there for me. I was taught once that any two people striving to the gospel can be happy together. And as much as I see that proven wrong, I am believer. There’s going to be a lot of hurt in this process. Because the only conclusion i can come to as to why we wouldn't just work through this is because he did believe that there is someone else out there he would like or even love more. Which is the part that hurts. I would have put my heart through hell and back (and i feel I practically did) to make our relationship work. However, I do have dignity and now that the decision is made it’s made and it’s time to move on with life. And I will. I am already. It’s just hurtful to know that I wasn’t enough for him. I know that the issues we had could have worked out. I had been in a serious relationship before where he had to travel a lot for work, but he sent flowers and postcards and told me how much he missed me every day. Traveling wasn’t the issue, it was feeling like I was missed, or knowing that I was loved. My last relationship didn't fall apart because of irreconcilable differences or cheating or anything like that, it’s just that one of us didn't care enough. That person didn't express love enough and a person can only take that for so long. I don’t think that’s something that only I won’t be able to handle though, I think anyone consistently needs to be told that they are loved and missed or wanted. Even the prophets guide us to tell our loved ones those very things.
Truth be told, I will probably never see this man again or have another conversation with him. Unless he calls, which I will pick up, but he won’t. And I feel like I was on the receiving end of the break up, as much as we lie and say it was mutual.
Now, I’m not saying that there isn’t someone out there for me. I was taught once that any two people striving to the gospel can be happy together. And as much as I see that proven wrong, I am believer. There’s going to be a lot of hurt in this process. Because the only conclusion i can come to as to why we wouldn't just work through this is because he did believe that there is someone else out there he would like or even love more. Which is the part that hurts. I would have put my heart through hell and back (and i feel I practically did) to make our relationship work. However, I do have dignity and now that the decision is made it’s made and it’s time to move on with life. And I will. I am already. It’s just hurtful to know that I wasn’t enough for him. I know that the issues we had could have worked out. I had been in a serious relationship before where he had to travel a lot for work, but he sent flowers and postcards and told me how much he missed me every day. Traveling wasn’t the issue, it was feeling like I was missed, or knowing that I was loved. My last relationship didn't fall apart because of irreconcilable differences or cheating or anything like that, it’s just that one of us didn't care enough. That person didn't express love enough and a person can only take that for so long. I don’t think that’s something that only I won’t be able to handle though, I think anyone consistently needs to be told that they are loved and missed or wanted. Even the prophets guide us to tell our loved ones those very things.
Truth be told, I will probably never see this man again or have another conversation with him. Unless he calls, which I will pick up, but he won’t. And I feel like I was on the receiving end of the break up, as much as we lie and say it was mutual.
These are just random tangents. I just know that I am picky dater, because I know how I want my life to be. I know how my marriage will work and it won’t work for a lot of guys. The kind of guy I need is far and wide in between. But i know i better meet him soon before I lose my mind. Because I need to get married. I have never felt more of an urgency than I do now. Funny that it happens once I’m single…. Maybe the guy I was dating is lucky that he isn’t with me know that I have this desire.. l
But maybe I just need someone to restore my faith in love. I know if i Marry someone, we will be so madly, deeply, head over heals in love with other that I won’t ever not believe in love. I just can’t wait for that to happen.
But maybe I just need someone to restore my faith in love. I know if i Marry someone, we will be so madly, deeply, head over heals in love with other that I won’t ever not believe in love. I just can’t wait for that to happen.
Well off to a Bon fire to see if MR. Right is there.
xoxoxox
Desirae
xoxoxox
Desirae
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