So, Anyone following any one of my blogs knows that I was engaged once before and have since been in one relationship. Which has also ended. There's been dates here and there but nothing serious.
The last guy I dated used to tell me that I had such a big heart and so much love to give, (really, he was using it as an excuse because he didn't love me and I could tell so he just wanted me to feel like I had more of a capacity for love, BS whatever.) Anyways, It's true. I have a whole lot of love to offer someone and I have freely given my heart and love to a select few, such as my ex-fiance and now ex-boyfriend. Reflecting back on that though, after starting to date again and having guys want to become exclusive already, I realized I didn't feel that excitement. I didn't get those butterflies or get super excited. Even though the guy was the guy of my dreams. I was thinking back to my previous boyfriend telling me how much love I had to give, and very defeated feeling accepted the fact that all my love had been used up. I gave my last ounce of love to a man that could never love me because I was constantly being compared to this "perfect girl" in his head. Wasted, I know. I was very grieved by this thought and the thoughts that naturally surrounded that one.
I will never settle for a marriage where I don't feel my heart tearing that the seems.
I was busy enough with school and work anyways and I am also planning a benefit fundraiser as well so I decided I might as well just focus on being awesome being alone.
One typical night, just hanging out with friends, I get a call from a man that I went out with almost 2 years ago. Before I was even engaged. He asked me on a date for that weekend and I agreed. When I hung up, something miraculous happened..... I jumped for joy. I was so excited. I didn't expect to feel that ever, especially not so soon! I looked forward to Friday night alllllllll week! Friday came and the date was perfect. We talked for hours and hours after dinner until the restaurant was totally closed and then we took a walk and just talked more. We just clicked and had so much in common. Great date. I'm definitely deciding to say yes if he asks for a second date. This guy is already in, but the icing on top of the cake? At my front door, saying goodnight, He pulled out a bag of my favorite candy... that I made ONE small passing comment about 2 years ago..... My eyes were filled with tears as I wrapped my arms around him in an excited hug! My heart was bursting at the seems. The second date will be soon. But I have hope again. I am grateful for that. Not saying that this guy is the one, or that I will be married any time soon, but there is hope.
Life is so exciting right now. I am learning so much in the world around me and I am so truly happy. 2013 has been very good to me and I am very excited about what life has in store. I am excited about the projects I am currently working on and my life right now. Things are "practically" perfect. I am so happy and just filled with joy and gratitude.
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