The Notebook.

So I am constantly meeting new people and learning different things about different personality types.  I have spent different amounts of time with different people.  So I started looking at the ones that I found myself spending the most time with, and why I enjoyed spending so much time with them.  I am always interested in the psychology behind the thoughts.  Why we do certain things and why we like the things we do or why we are attracted to what and who we are attracted to.  Of course, I can sit there and think about it and come up with all the reasons why I enjoyed spending time with people, but my epiphany came in a much simpler form.

I enjoy the people I surround myself with now, because that's how i imagined myself being happy when I was younger. 

Let me clarify: I am a writer.  I love to write.  All through Junior High and High School, I had a notebook with my best friend.  The notebook is something we could exchange between one another to write notes.  

My senior year in high school, I decided to have a notebook with my future best friend and eternal companion, my husband.  Obviously, I didn't know who that was going to be, as I still don't, so the letters were/are to a stranger.  I told my future husband what I wanted our relationship to be like, what was important to me, and things I love and things he should know about me.  I would wonder what he was doing at that particular time and if he was thinking of me like I was thinking of him.  I would express to him how I hoped and prayed that he was surrounding himself with virtuous young women and that they were helping him prepare for me like I was helping my guy friends prepare for theirs. I would just talk to him like a normal person. As if I was writing notes to an old friend. 

Well, I was reading back through some of the first letters I wrote and I was very specific in how I wanted our relationship to be and what I wanted to talk about, what I wanted him to know about me, what I wanted him to like about me, and then vice versa.  Well Reading back on that, I realized that any of my close relationships with people (friends included, not just romantically), all those people treat me the way that I defined that I wanted to be treated, they recognize the qualities that I hoped they would recognize, they have the kind of sense of humor that I enjoy the most, SO I realized that I surround myself with people who I chose as a young teenage girl, not even knowing who they were. 

I thought was was interesting. 

I loved reading back on those entries and it's interesting to see how I have changed but how I have also stayed the same. 

I think as we are all searching for "The One" we tend to get frustrated.  We start to settle. We start to let some little things slide because we don't feel that anyone is going to be able to live up to what we dreamed of our whole lives.  However, I strongly believe that If we don't settle, we will find someone who is everything we want that we never even knew we needed and everything we need that we never even knew that we wanted. And we will be so much happier with that person.  When you settle, you have this deep resentment for the other person deep down and it can only be canned for so long until it consumes you and breaks the relationship apart. 

Well, Good luck and may the Odds be ever in your favor.. 

Your smile.

I have to fall in love with your smile.  Totally separately from falling in love with you.
Plain and simple. I gotta love your smile.

It'd be nice if you loved my smile too.

Forgiveness

Today I participated in a marriage and family class.
The topic discussed was forgiveness.

I need a spouse who can swallow his pride because my (and our) happiness is more important than his pride.

And I expect to do the same.  I will have to swallow my pride sometimes because my spouses happiness is more important to me than my pride and whatever I am "proud" of.

Attribute #2

I must be attracted to your social life.
It is a huge turn off when the things you choose to spend your time on are aimless and unfulfilling.

I am a pretty easy going person, and I enjoy doing all sorts of things!
I am not sure exactly what I am referring to, but I just want to fit into your social scene.

It should become an "US" thing at some point. So both of our social lives needs to be appealing to one another.

Attribute #1

Whoever I end up with I must be physically, emotionally, and sexually attracted to.
I will not let myself be with someone just "because it is practical"
I have to be irresistibly attracted to him, and him to me.

Lonely nights.

Well, Here I am on a Friday night wishing I had someone to cuddle up to and talk aimlessly about our days and kiss each other until our lips were numb. I don't know what got into me.
I JUST got out of a serious relationship and was convinced I did not want anything of the sort for quite some time.  However, my soul seeks companionship at this time.

So, I am in search of Mr. Right.  Not that I am going to jump into the first relationship that is put out on the table, But I am going to look for a guy that has all the qualities that I want in a man and I am going to pursue him.  Just because I got out of a relationship doesn't meant that I should pass up someone if they possess all the qualities that I want in a husband.

So here is my journey... The following you read is going to be my experiences, my thoughts, my realizations of what I really want and my discoveries of what I need.

All you men out there beware... Life has just turned into a game... or an interview :D