Results

I have been thinking about a few interesting things lately.  I feel as if I need to be very sensitive with this post though. I do not mean to offend anyone or step on anyone's toes.  I am not passing judgement in anyway, I am simple just making an observation.

I will provide two examples:

1. There is a girl who is a good LDS girl who has a hard time talking to and meeting new people so she just chooses to exclude herself in certain activities because she is afraid of that interaction.  She hangs out with the same people and if she does go out, she goes with those same people, stays with those same people, and leaves with those same people.  She feels that she doesn't have many friends and that it's impossible to meet new people.  She sometimes likes things that some people don't and she thinks that she doesn't have as many friends, because of that.

2. There is a good LDS girl who is sometimes shy, but will put herself in situations that would help her meet new people and help her get over that shyness. She has a good group of friends and she will go out with them, but she is always adding people to that group when they go out.  She feels like she has a lot of friends and that she is always meeting new people.  She likes some things that are not typical and she feels it makes her unique and people like her more for it.

A quote comes to mind when I think of example one:  If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

Now, There is nothing wrong with having a tight knit group of friends and keeping it that way.  If that's how you like it, then to each it's own!  However, I am doing this post because there are people who are living like #1 and complaining that they don't get asked out as much as #2, or they don't have as many friends, or they don't do as much, no one goes out of their way to help them but will do anything for #2.

When you want certain results, you have to do certain things to get there. So you want to make more friends? Let's start simple, go to institute. So #1 and #2 go to institute.  #1 says that they are doing everything that #2 is doing and just not getting the same results because it has something to do with HER, However, let's look at it a bit more closely. #2 is sitting in the middle or front of the room and stays after for a few minutes and interacts with others. #1 shows up and sits in the back and leaves as soon as it ends. That isn't giving anyone the opportunity to talk to you or giving the message that you want to talk to anyone.
There's nothing wrong with #1. No doubt, she is such an incredible person, but she is frustrated that she isn't getting the results that she wants to be getting.
In order to achieve the results that she wants, she doesn't have to change who she is as a person at all, she just needs to make certain adjustments to her behaviors.  She will have to step outside her comfort zone a bit.  Some people confuse "stepping out of your comfort zone" and "changing yourself to please others".  There is a huge difference, I feel.  You can't live your life in comfort 24/7.  You will have to do something that scares you sometimes to gain a greater reward. You can step out of your comfort zone and still be true to who you are.

Honestly, what it comes down to, is if you want certain results, you have to make an honest effort to achieve them.  Not just an effort, (showing up, staying in the back, leaving right away) but an HONEST effort (sitting by someone new, staying afterwards to mingle).  You can always achieve the results you want.  You decide the kind of life you want to live, and then live that way and don't complain about the bed you've made when it comes time to sleep in it.
Life is way too short to wish you were living some other way. Go out there and make it happen!

Dream from the past

So, I was reading through one of my first blogs. I found a post about a dream I had and it really hit me hard. My dream was almost foreshadowing certain events to an extent.  Of course My dream took things to extreme, but I can actually still remember the dream like it was yesterday. I am going to copy and paste that dream below:

I had a dream that I was in a dream. I was married to a guy that I didn't know more that skin deep and I was pretending to be happy for all these people that expected that out of me because he was the "picture perfect" guy, but inside I was absolutely torn up and distraught about it. Well, I woke up (inside my dream) and went to have lunch with my best friend. I told her about my horrible dream and she told me as sweetly and as understanding as one could that that is what happened in real life... suddenly we were sitting in my house and I saw all our wedding pictures and home decor and photo albums of our "life" together. I just started screaming from sheer terror that anyone in my life who supposedly cared about me would let me marry someone that i didn't even know. that i didn't even communicate with at all. Someone that I married just because it was "practical."  I took all the pictures in frames and threw them so the glass shattered everywhere. I started ripping all the pictures out of the wedding album and tearing them into as many pieces as possible. I was so upset.

My "husband" came home from work and started asking what was wrong. I just yelled at him for allowing me to get married to him. for him to go along with it and encourage it.  We weren't in love and we shouldn't be married. this is isn't what life is about. he understood completely and didn't want to be married either but knew it is what the "picture perfect" world wanted so he grinned and bared it.  I told him it was SO wrong for two humans to live like this. I had dreams. I had goals and he allowed everyone to force me to marry him and take it all away from me. 

It ended with me burning the house down.


I think that is my biggest fear. It seems the people that we have passion and love for it's never practical, things aren't always perfect and so we think it can't work out. However, the people that it's perfect with, you don't always love like that. People tend to sink into those comforts and overlook that there is no spark.  They overlook that the kisses don't make them weak in the knees, they overlook that that person doesn't make them lay upside down in the kitchen floor against the fridge. And a relationship needs that. Of course some times it can be confused with infatuation. But there is a part of infatuation that lasts as long as the love does. In an ideal relationship anyways. 


I believe people get tired of getting hurt, They get exhausted of opening up to someone that isn't going to work out, (even though at the time, they believe that it will).  It really is a tiring process to make something work with someone that isn't just "practical" but spontaneous and fun and passionate and all those other things that a real, healthy relationship should be.


Anyways, Enough of my rant. I just hope I never fall into that mind set that I can/should do something because it's practical.  You should do something because it makes you happy, It makes you a better person, brings you closer to the person you want to be and closer to God. 


It can still exist... just don't settle. All good things take time. 

Feels right

I have this gift that I can feel when a decision that is made is right or wrong.  And I am not talking morally.
Just if something happens and a course of events change, I can feel if it was for the best or if it was wrong and something needs to be changed about what had happened.
Some really tragic things can happen but because they felt right, I was able to move on quickly.  Some sad things but not as tragic things can happen and effect me 10x more just because it does not feel right and I know I need to do something to change it so It's right.

I really love that "gift" that I have but when something happens and it's wrong, It's the hardest feeling in the world, because I don't always know what to do.

Best Friends.

The person I end up with, I want to be best friends with.

The definition of a best friend is the one friend who is closest to you, according to dictionary.com

The definition of a friend is a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile, a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. a person who gives assistance; and supporter. 

Why would anyone want to be in a relationship that was not all of the above. You should want someone that is going to support you, be the closest to you, and you to them.  You don't want that person to be hostile towards you. You want someone who is going to support you and be there for you when you need someone. Someone who is the closest to you.  Why wouldn't the person you're going to spend forever with be your best friend?

Vulnerability.

The definition of Vulnerability is as follows:

1.

a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.

b. Susceptible to attack: "We are vulnerable both by water and land, without either fleet or army" 

c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.

2.

a. Liable to succumb, as to persuasion or temptation.

b. Games In a position to receive greater penalties or bonuses in a hand of bridge. In a rubber, used of the pair of players who score 100 points toward game.

If  we were in a classroom setting and I asked my audience how many people like to feel susceptible to attack or to receive greater penalties, how many would raise their hand?
Nobody wants to give another individual the power to hurt them.  It's like handing someone a newly sharpened knife and trusting them that they care enough about you not to stab you in the back, but instead to chop up some delicious food and use it to help you and nourish you rather than hurt you.  But Of course, the entire time that person is holding that knife, they have the potential to hurt you.  That can be a scary thing.
So what makes it worth it? You don't know what the person is going to do with the knife, until you give them the knife and see what decision they make.  Hopefully you won't hand a murderer you met this morning on the bus a knife! Obviously , the person that you hand the knife to is going to be someone that you trust.
Once you see how that person handles it, it becomes more natural to hand them the knife.  The hesitation fades slowly and it becomes something that you don't even think about.  You'll be in the kitchen cooking and you'll just hand them the knife and they'll hand you boiling pots of water and you just make these exchanges like it's nothing. Trusting each other not to use those things against one another.

Well, I am holding a knife, and I need to hand it to someone.
Not literally.
But I need to tell this person that I love his smile.
I love how his eyes light up when he is passionate about something.
I love how he is passionate about anything and everything that he sets his mind to.
I love how he seems so confident when he holds my hand.
I love that he pays attention to the emotions I am feeling by looking in my eyes.
I love that he remembers what I tell him... even the little things.
I love that he texts me good morning and goodnight.
I love when he kisses me on the nose.
I love that he shares with me plans that he says he hasn't hardly told anyone.
I love how active he is in the church.
I love that he has his priorities straight.
I love that he plays piano.
I love that he sings.
I love that he made me a little science experiment to figure out what would get me to sleep.
I love that on one of my worst days, He sung to me until I was calmed down enough to go to sleep.
I love that I can stay up with him for hours on end and talk about anything and everything without thinking of how tired I am going to be the next day.
I love that he genuinely cares about other people.
I love that he takes the time to get to know people.
I love that he is a worthy priesthood holder.
I love how my head fits perfectly in his chest.
I love that he reads my blogs.
I love that he loves to dance.
I love how important his family is to him.
I love that he knows how to dream.
I love that everything he does has a purpose.
I love that he reads my blog.
I love that I feel like I can tell him anything.
I love that he watches movies with me.
I love that he loves to cook (even though I haven't really tasted it yet.)
I love that is such a good story teller.
I love how much he supports others.
I love that he is constantly building other people up.
And last but not least, (and not really last but for the sake of time and this post, last)
I love that my smile is more effective than my puppy dog pout.

So there's the knife. You can turn around and not even take it, you can take it from me and set it on the counter, you can take it and use it against me, or you can take it and chop up some delicious apples and nourish me with it.
The ball is no longer in my court.

torn.

I am very torn right now.
Of course we are all looking for someone that we are compatible with and someone we are attracted to and who is attracted us. But sometimes relationships are just too complicated to get that far. We want the positive outcome but we don't want to do all the work that it takes to get there.
Relationships are hard. Because everyone wants and needs something different.
With each person some things are easier to give than others. Some people are better at gift giving, some are better at words of affirmation, some are better with quality time. Some are good at all of them, but rarely.
Sometimes, you feel jipped when someone can't communicate with you the way you need them to.  Their giving you gifts, but what you really need is quality time or vice versa. That's when things get complicated. Do you just walk away or do you let the other person know that you need something else. Either one might hurt their feelings.
What I have come to discover though, is that everyone is going to hurt you at some point, you just have to find the ones worth hurting for.

I want a relationship. I don't want to be 60 years old and alone. I want to have kids and a family and become a grandma. I want someone to cuddle with every night before I go to sleep.  But the things that build up to that. It's like a hill. Climbing up may be really difficult but once you get over it, it's smooth sailing from there.
In order to get over that hill though, you have to have someone who is going to help you, not try to pull you down.  Someone who understands how to make it easier for the both of you. That is another tricky part.

Relationships are just tricky. Which really stinks because it makes being single so easy.

I feel like I wasn't given a chance though. It is guys responsibility to define the relationship. It is the guys responsibility to bring that kind of stuff up.
I didn't even know the level you were at because you didn't ever let me know. How was I supposed to feel comfortable enough telling you how much I like you or how much you mean to me when I have no idea if that will bring you closer or push/scare you away. That's not really fair. But it's good to know where I stand with you.

But everything happens for a reason. Everything. Always.

Kisses

I love kisses.  But not just those sappy, french kisses or even just kisses on the lips.  I love kisses all over my face.  I love them on my forehead, my cheeks, my nose... I think my nose is my new favorite.  I love being kissed on my hand.  I think it's a sign of respect when a guy can kiss you there too rather than just wanting to kiss you on your lips.  I don't know, that's just what I have come to discover.  I have dated guys who do both and I prefer the face kisses a lot more.

It makes me feel adored. And who doesn't want to feel that way?