torn.

I am very torn right now.
Of course we are all looking for someone that we are compatible with and someone we are attracted to and who is attracted us. But sometimes relationships are just too complicated to get that far. We want the positive outcome but we don't want to do all the work that it takes to get there.
Relationships are hard. Because everyone wants and needs something different.
With each person some things are easier to give than others. Some people are better at gift giving, some are better at words of affirmation, some are better with quality time. Some are good at all of them, but rarely.
Sometimes, you feel jipped when someone can't communicate with you the way you need them to.  Their giving you gifts, but what you really need is quality time or vice versa. That's when things get complicated. Do you just walk away or do you let the other person know that you need something else. Either one might hurt their feelings.
What I have come to discover though, is that everyone is going to hurt you at some point, you just have to find the ones worth hurting for.

I want a relationship. I don't want to be 60 years old and alone. I want to have kids and a family and become a grandma. I want someone to cuddle with every night before I go to sleep.  But the things that build up to that. It's like a hill. Climbing up may be really difficult but once you get over it, it's smooth sailing from there.
In order to get over that hill though, you have to have someone who is going to help you, not try to pull you down.  Someone who understands how to make it easier for the both of you. That is another tricky part.

Relationships are just tricky. Which really stinks because it makes being single so easy.

I feel like I wasn't given a chance though. It is guys responsibility to define the relationship. It is the guys responsibility to bring that kind of stuff up.
I didn't even know the level you were at because you didn't ever let me know. How was I supposed to feel comfortable enough telling you how much I like you or how much you mean to me when I have no idea if that will bring you closer or push/scare you away. That's not really fair. But it's good to know where I stand with you.

But everything happens for a reason. Everything. Always.