So, I was reading through one of my first blogs. I found a post about a dream I had and it really hit me hard. My dream was almost foreshadowing certain events to an extent. Of course My dream took things to extreme, but I can actually still remember the dream like it was yesterday. I am going to copy and paste that dream below:
I had a dream that I was in a dream. I was married to a guy that I didn't know more that skin deep and I was pretending to be happy for all these people that expected that out of me because he was the "picture perfect" guy, but inside I was absolutely torn up and distraught about it. Well, I woke up (inside my dream) and went to have lunch with my best friend. I told her about my horrible dream and she told me as sweetly and as understanding as one could that that is what happened in real life... suddenly we were sitting in my house and I saw all our wedding pictures and home decor and photo albums of our "life" together. I just started screaming from sheer terror that anyone in my life who supposedly cared about me would let me marry someone that i didn't even know. that i didn't even communicate with at all. Someone that I married just because it was "practical." I took all the pictures in frames and threw them so the glass shattered everywhere. I started ripping all the pictures out of the wedding album and tearing them into as many pieces as possible. I was so upset.
My "husband" came home from work and started asking what was wrong. I just yelled at him for allowing me to get married to him. for him to go along with it and encourage it. We weren't in love and we shouldn't be married. this is isn't what life is about. he understood completely and didn't want to be married either but knew it is what the "picture perfect" world wanted so he grinned and bared it. I told him it was SO wrong for two humans to live like this. I had dreams. I had goals and he allowed everyone to force me to marry him and take it all away from me.
It ended with me burning the house down.
I think that is my biggest fear. It seems the people that we have passion and love for it's never practical, things aren't always perfect and so we think it can't work out. However, the people that it's perfect with, you don't always love like that. People tend to sink into those comforts and overlook that there is no spark. They overlook that the kisses don't make them weak in the knees, they overlook that that person doesn't make them lay upside down in the kitchen floor against the fridge. And a relationship needs that. Of course some times it can be confused with infatuation. But there is a part of infatuation that lasts as long as the love does. In an ideal relationship anyways.
I believe people get tired of getting hurt, They get exhausted of opening up to someone that isn't going to work out, (even though at the time, they believe that it will). It really is a tiring process to make something work with someone that isn't just "practical" but spontaneous and fun and passionate and all those other things that a real, healthy relationship should be.
Anyways, Enough of my rant. I just hope I never fall into that mind set that I can/should do something because it's practical. You should do something because it makes you happy, It makes you a better person, brings you closer to the person you want to be and closer to God.
It can still exist... just don't settle. All good things take time.
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